Earlier this week I was walking along 7^th Ave and I passed a group of women having a conversation on a corner. They were focused on one of the women as she was asking them all a question. She was holding her cell phone in her hand and asked them “so do I leave him alone, or not leave him alone?” They all answer in unison, “LEAVE HIM ALONE!” I laughed to myself as I was passing by because I can’t count the amount of times that has been me. Asking friends what should I do when I haven’t heard back from some guy that I texted two days ago, or what should I do when some guy hasn’t asked me for a second date but wants to txt chat everyday.  The scenarios are endless. It’s enough to drive you mad. We women are always over analyzing our actions when it comes to dating. Should I say this or should I say that? Will this make him think I’m needy or will that make him think I’m desperate. Do I sound like a bitch, oh wait I can’t say that because he needs to think I’m unavailable, God forbid I seem available. Like the girls on the street said, leave him alone. We are always taking how they feel in to account and how our actions will affect them, when they definitely are not doing that on their end. What happened to being yourself and doing what you want to do, doing what your first instinct to do is? It’s all an act, a game…..but what happens when you don’t want to play anymore?

I had a few conversations about this on a personal level with a couple of people this week. One was a family member. I was telling her the details of a txt conversation that I had with a man that I had gone on one date with a couple of weeks ago and how he hadn’t asked for a second date in that time but was texting a lot and making dumb back and forth conversation that led nowhere.   He had mentioned that we would have to work something out for the following week and that never happened, so after another week had gone by I had finally put my two cents in by texting to him.

Danielle: So I guess we’re not getting together this week?

We’ll call him Jordan: Wait what? Did I miss something, did we have plans?

Danielle: (nice, you fu%king idiot) No, you never got back to me about a time that worked for you.

Jordan: Oh yeah, sorry, been a crazy busy week at work, so many meetings. We’ll figure something out later.

Danielle: (no response) (yeah ok buddy we’ll see if you contact me to “figure something out”)

I get no message from him later that evening of course. Then the next day, at the end of the day around 5:30pm.

Jordan: Sheesh (he said sheesh?) what a busy day, so I can meet for a drink Friday after dinner, or Sunday afternoon.

(Don’t do me any favors asshole, it’s Thursday mind you, and I don’t do the meeting someone after they have other plans thing for a second date)

Danielle: I have plans.

Jordan: Have fun.

(Seriously? Wow)

Now I know from previous experience that when you get a response like that from a guy it’s an obnoxious stab. It’s amazing that this guy had been texting me and interested from what I could tell, but couldn’t follow through on making plans for two weeks, then I open my mouth to put him on the spot about it and he comes back to me with plans that put me in second place, an after thought, after his dinner plans or before other plans, and on top of that the day before. What did he think , that I’m sitting around waiting for him? Of course I had plans already, it was Thursday. So when my family member hears this and hears my reaction she tells me that I need to loosen up. Wait? Am I overacting here? She thought that he sincerely meant have fun. Ha! Not at all, but just for sh^ts and giggles I put the nice girl reply on and txt him back….

Danielle: Another time maybe?

Jordan: Sounds good, have a good weekend.

Danielle: You too.

Have I heard from him? No. Will I hear from him? Who freaking knows.

My conversation with my family member continued. She then told me that I’ve become bitter; so bitter that it scares her. Am I bitter? Am I harder on these men than I should be? In my experience I’ve dealt with so many different types of let downs that I’m just plain and simple tired of it. I can continue to play the game and go along with these antics until maybe I meet someone that is the real deal? It’s tough.

Another conversation that I had back around Valentines Day was very telling in regards to modern day dating. My friend S (we’ll call her S) was with me and a few other girlfriends for our little single girls Valentines Day Dinner. She was sharing an experience that she had recently had with another girlfriend who’s also single. She had attended one of those “how to get the guy” seminars. It’s hilarious. Thousands of women pay major money to go to these things. They are run by a guy who wrote a book on how to land a man. His advice is full of tactics to supposedly make yourself more attractive to men mentally. It’s the advice that we give all of our fellow single girlfriends. Don’t seem desperate, don’t call back or txt back right away, don’t be available, make him chase you. She said that the women were going crazy for it. This is what it’s come to folks. Seminars on how to date and how to find a mate. Do these people that are making millions on books and seminars really know what it’s like out there? They should read my blog! Ha!

Then there is the conversation that I had with one of my closest friends just the other night. She’s one of my biggest supporters in my dating experiences and journey to find love. I was telling her that the want to meet someone special can consume you, and that I personally find myself scoping out rooms the minute I arrive somewhere to see if there are any potential suitors. I get to the point where I am not even enjoying spending time with friends because I allow it to take over. It’s hard to ignore that ticking clock that is always there in the back of your mind. You want children, and you want love too. There’s not much time. These thoughts get into your head and it destroys you, it clouds you. It’s no longer about loosening up and taking it easy, and it should be easy shouldn’t it?

She then tells me that she feels that I’m not going to meet someone out at the bars or restaurants and thinks it should be through a friend or a friend of a friend and that way there is less pressure. There are so many avenues to venture down in the search for your counterpart. I’ll remain open to all of them, and there will always be bumps and bums in the road.

Share your comments and experiences with me, I want to hear them!

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