Old Flames And Why They Are Called Old
Old Flames And Why They Are Called Old
About two and a half years ago I was at a bar with some friends having drinks after work. We were chatting over the normal nonsense and after a little while a small bald man approached me. At first he was nothing to even pay attention to but as he continued to try and charm me he was actually quite good at it. He bought my friends and I a few rounds of drinks and kept up very good conversation. Was in advertising and yes was quite the salesman. We exchange numbers and he puts me in a cab and as he closes the door says to the cab driver “get her home safe, that’s my future wife right there”. Don’t you just love guys like that? So full of shit and they really don’t even know it. He’s texting me the rest of the night until he’s home all excited that we met and then we finally text goodnight. He calls me the next day and asks me for a date that following week. We make the plan and he adds in that later that night of our date I’m going to meet all of his closest friends as they have plans to go to a birthday party together and hope I don’t mind all of this on the first date. I tell him it’s not a problem and am actually looking forward to the date. The night comes goes great, he and his friends all are wonderful to be around and I having a great time. We continue to date for a couple of weeks. Dinners, lunches, brunches, the works. We shop together watch movies together, it seems to be going in a nice direction….
One night he and I are out to dinner in his neighborhood, which was the same neighborhood as a good friend of mines and her then live in boyfriend. We make plans for all four of us to meet for a drink after we are all done with our various dinner plans and we do. Drinks at a local bar followed by my date (we’ll call him Shawn) inviting everyone over to his fabulous apartment for a nightcap. We get to his apartment and to be honest he seemed quite sloshed and it was a little bit of a concern to me but into entertainment mode we went. Drinks are being mixed as well as music. My girlfriend (we’ll call her Anna) goes over to the stereo to pick out some tunes and Shawn goes over to join her. I’m sitting on the couch observing as Anna’s boyfriend is in the bathroom. As Anna is leaning over looking at Shawn’s playlist he reaches his hand around her and grabs her ass! She jumps and says “oh no no no no no no” to him, I have no idea what I’ve just seen. I look at him as he is in a drunken daze not even realizing what has just happened and I then grab my things grab Anna and her boyfriend and leave.
The next morning I get a phone call from Shawn. He says “what happened?, I woke up and you weren’t here. I have no recollection of what happened”. Shocker….
Danielle: well I don’t know what you want me to say. Do you want me to tell you what happened?
Shawn: yes please, I’m assuming it isn’t good.
Let’s give him a metal, he assumes it wasn’t good. Ha!
Danielle: long story short when we got back to your apt you went over to my friend Anna when she was by the stereo and grabbed her ass. I grabbed my things and we all left.
Shawn: really? I’m so sorry.
Danielle: so am I cuz sorry doesn’t cut it buddy. Not my first rodeo with that kind of shit so obviously I don’t want to see you anymore.
Shawn: I understand, I have nothing to say in my defense.
So that was that. We stopped seeing each other. I bumped into him randomly once at a restaurant that we both frequented and he was off his rocker and came over to say hello when I was with a date and had the audacity to ask if he could call me right in front of him. I dismissed him and he eventually got the hint and went back to his group of friends.
Two in a half years later…..
It’s about 12pm on a Tuesday and one of my co workers tells me that there is a delivery for me. I go to see what it is and its a large bouquet of flowers with a card. I’m thinking this has to be a mistake as there is no one in the picture. I’m standing with a coworker at the time and she’s all Google eyed “oooohhhh open the card”. I open the envelope and inside is a two page letter. I skip to the second page to see who it’s from and its signed from Shawn. I actually feel a little sick at that moment. How did he find me? And at my office address that had changed since we dated. I gather myself and go to my office to read the letter.
Danielle,
I know that this letter is out of nowhere and I may not be someone that you ever wanted to hear from again, but with the new year I thought I would reach out to you and apologize for my behavior two in a half years ago. I have thought about you often in this time that has past and have seen you (you haven’t always seen me) and I never felt that it was the right time to approach you. I don’t know what is going on in your life but I want you to know that I cherished the short time we spent together and would love to know you again.
I hope your well, happy new year,
Shawn
Wow. What does one do with that? I wait a few hours and text him to thank him for the flowers. He responds telling me how he had three interns working on finding me so he could send the flowers and the note and that he was so nervous waiting to hear from me blah blah blah. We chat on the phone later and catch up a bit. The conversation was nice. We always got along great so I wasn’t surprised. He then asked if he could see me. Ugh….what is a girl in this predicament to do? Ok meet him with zero expectations and don’t let your guard down. Remember, a leopard doesn’t loose its spots. We make dinner plans for that Friday night.
It happens to be at one of my favorite restaurants in the city and we had been there together in the past. He’s late. Seriously with this late crap! He shows up eventually shows up and looks good. I forgot to mention that Shawn is by no means my usual physical type but it was his personality that I fell for those years ago. He’s got quite the ego. We chat, we drink wine they give us the best corner banquettt in the place. We’re having a great time. I manage to keep my walls up but still enjoy myself. We literally close the place he ubers me home and rides all the way uptown to ensure my safe home, thanks me immensely for agreeing to see him and then he’s off. The next day was a Saturday. Shawn calls me in the afternoon to tell me how thankful he was to have seen me last night and is asking what the rest of my weekend is looking like. I had plans with friends that night and family on Sunday but we agreed that perhaps we would catch a movie in Sunday after I was done. He’s texting me all night on Saturday wanting make sure that I’m safe and having a good time, jumping right back into something full on. Asks that I call him when I get in etc. Of course I’m falling for this bullshit, he’s a changed man right? Sunday comes and we are discussing the plans for later via text and he starts with some excuses, “it’s Sunday I’ve been watching football all day, haven’t even showered, can we play it by ear?”. All I reply back with is “ok”. Then it’s “oh now I feel like an idiot cuz I want to see you”. My reply “well duh”. Then he’s calling me. Really I don’t need this shit from this guy when we’re not even two days back into whatever the hell is going on here. Phone Call:
Danielle: hi
Shawn: hi….listen I don’t want you think that I’m not in this, I’m just a little tired and it’s been a lazy day.
Danielle: well we had plans to see each other, but if you’re not up to it that’s fine.
Shawn: now I feel dumb, let’s go see a movie. That work for you?
At this point I no longer really want to see him, I really just want to go home and go to bed. But of course what does a silly girl do?
Danielle: sure, I can meet after I finish dinner with my family.
Shawn: ok great I’ll get the tickets
We go to the movies have a nice time and say goodnight. He asks what my week is like and when can he see me again. We make plans for dinner that Tuesday night.
We continue to see each other once or twice at most a week for a few weeks. In my opinion I wasn’t really sure how we were going to get to know each other again with seeing one another so rarely. We never got together over a weekend except for the first two dates we had which I also thought strange. It was always according to his schedule and when I seemed to have any issue with it, it became a huge discussion. We fast forward to a dinner in my neighborhood. He shows up nearly 35 minutes late. We sit down and are catching up because we hadn’t gotten together in over a week. Regular chit chat, we have a lovely dinner but to be quite honest I’m kind of already over it because he comes in full force with the flowers and the letter and the Call me when you get home and then knocks it down to once a week. Talk about mixed signals. Dinner is coming to an end and he asks me what the following week is looking like for me and I reply back with “well why don’t you tell me because you’re the one with the more challenging schedule”. He then goes into a rant about how he doesn’t understand why I seem to be disappointed with him and that he thinks that we are going at a good pace yada yada yada. I then remind him that it’s all fine with me but he came looking for me with his dramatic three interns hunting me down, flowers, letter the works, so I’m just trying to understand what it is that he wants from me. He then goes into a shpeil that when he finally reached out to me he didn’t know where I was going to be in my life and had no idea that I was going to be single and able to date him again and he’s just taking it slow because he doesn’t want to rush like he did last time. Fine no problem I say. I then remind him that the pace we went at years ago wasn’t the issue, it was that he grabbed my friends ass right in front of me. (Idiot) I’m now more and more ready to just nip this in the bud because it’s truly going to end up being a waste of my time, but I let him finish his little speech, we finish dinner and he walks me home. Later that night I get a text thanking me for listening and hearing him out and that he wants to continue to see each other and get to know each other more and more but just not at high speed. Consider it done buddy, you can go as slow as you want. I reply “sounds good, talk to you soon”. I don’t hear from him for the next 5 days.
Day 6 I send him a text that says, “long time no talk”. He replies the next day with “Hi! How are you? Have a nice weekend? I ended up in NJ over the weekend and work has been nuts, talk tonight”. Tonight comes and goes and no phone call from him. That was all it took for me to be signed out completely. The next day I mailed his two page letter that he had sent with the flowers back to him. I still have not heard from Shawn to this day. What a coward!!!
That is why ladies and gentlemen, Old Flames are called OLD, and they die hard.
More to come next week!
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