“Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that                dweam wifin a dweam…” William Goldman, The Princess Bride

 

I am most definitely one of those women that when first encountering a man in any way checks for a wedding ring. When I don’t see one I usually would assume that he’s single, meaning not married at least. That is a thing of the past. Rings don’t mean shit a lot of the time. Well…they didn’t to this guy….

Many moons ago it was a Thursday night after work. I’m out with some friends at a local watering hole near to my office. We had been going to this place quite often as it was conveniently located, and we all know when it comes to drinking establishments the easier to get to, the better. There was a bar tender there that became known to us and we to him, and on this night he started up a conversation that wasn’t the usual hi how are you, what’s your poison tonight. He had overheard my girlfriend and I talking about dates that we had recently been on and how they were quite dull etc and he leaned over the bar to me and asked “so would you go on a date with me if I asked you?” I replied with “are you single?” We’ll call him Robert.

Robert: yes I’m single and I’ve always noticed you when you come into the bar. I’ve wanted to ask you out for quite a while actually. (he is not wearing a wedding ring of any type)

Danielle: oh is that so? Ok, so I’ll let you take me out on a date.

Robert: great, write down your number and I’ll call you to make plans.

I write down my number on a cocktail napkin and pass it to Robert. He txt messaged me the next day asking me for a date that week. We get together for dinner and drinks and he starts to tell me some more about himself. Turns out that he is actually the owner of the bar which he tends and owns another bar in that neighborhood as well. His family has quite the history in the nyc bar business and it’s all quite interesting. We have a great time, get along well, have chemistry, we laugh. All of the ingredients needed are there. At the end of our night he asks me for another date. This date is to a basketball game where he has a skybox with the private bar tender, catered food, the works. We get there and it’s a shared box with some other people. He knew most of the people that were there but not all of them. It seemed to be a mix of people in the beverage industry. He introduced me to pretty much everyone that was there. It was a fun night; the Knicks actually won that night so it even had a great ending in that aspect. We then make plans for another date. Now with the planning of this third date he explained to me that his hours were always going to be tight due to the bars, and he having to be there a lot, in addition to meetings that he has with liquor suppliers etc, so over the next couple of weeks I only saw him when he could make it happen and sometimes it was only for a quick drink because he had to leave for an “appointment”. I also never saw him on weekends. Now silly me, I didn’t ever think it was more than him being really busy as a business owner with limited time. While it was frustrating and a bit annoying at times I went with it.

It’s a Sunday. I’m having brunch cocktails with a couple of girlfriends and we are sitting at the bar. Robert and I had been texting most of the morning and he was going to try to come and have dinner with me later, but he didn’t know for sure. I was of course annoyed at that and was venting about the situation to my friends as my phone starts to ring…….. its Robert. I answer the phone and it’s a woman’s voice on the other end that says….

Mystery Woman: who is this?

Danielle: who is this?

MW: who the fu%k is this?

Danielle: excuse me you called my phone who are you?

MW: I’m Robert’s wife

Danielle: are you fuc%ing kidding me?

MW: no I’m not kidding you, who are you and how long have you been seeing my husband? Do you have a dog? Does it have white hair? He’s been coming home with white dog hair all over his clothes and jacket (obviously I’m not the only one Robert has been seeing that isn’t his wife, I have no white dog), she was on fire.

Danielle: no I don’t have a dog, and I had no idea that he was married. I’m sorry. Please take this up with him and don’t call me again.

I hang up and I am shaking. Never in my life has anything like this happened. It’s a feeling way down deep in the pit of your stomach that makes you physically ill. Betrayal, and not just the betrayal that I’m feeling from Robert but the betrayal that he is committing to his wife. It’s just disgusting. I’m hysterical and run to the bathroom to get myself together. My two friends are in shock and are trying to help get me through this intense scene. At one point one of my girlfriends had to answer my phone and tell her that we were going to call the police if she didn’t stop calling. This is insane! This is not my life right now. Roberts’s wife then continues to blow up my phone and won’t stop calling. Leaving harassing messages and text messages by the minute. Obviously I barely sleep that night. The next day she starts sending me wedding photos, yes she sends me wedding photos of the two of them, tells me that the bars he owns she owns with him and that they have been married for almost two years, straight up crazy bird. This continues into that evening with call and txts to the point that I had to turn my phone off.

I had plans for dinner a couple of days later with some other friends who I had brought up to speed on the situation. The calls and txts had not stopped. We were sitting in the restaurant and the wife is calling me again. My friend Mike looks at me and says let me answer it this time. He answers and tells this woman that if she calls me again we are going to the police and that she needs to stop or there will be problems. She tells him that she just wants to know if we had been sleeping together and once she knows that she will go away. He tells her that we weren’t and that this needs to be taken up with Robert not me.

The phone calls and txts finally stop. Over the next few days it all started to make sense. This guy couldn’t see me because he had to get home to his wife! But this guy had balls. He took me to places where he knew people. He would sneak out from behind the bar to meet me by the restrooms to give me a quick kiss when I would come to have drinks at his bar, never any kind of contact when I was there. Looking back I would always get looks like who is this chick? Uncomfortable looks, but you don’t see it until after the fact. It’s crazy. Then I started beating myself up. How did I not put this all together? On top of this I could no longer go to one of my favorite watering holes now, what a freaking jerk! Wait screw that, that’s my bar and I’m not letting this cheating piece of shit take that away from me.

I let a month go by and then some friends and I decide that we’re going to give him the scare of a lifetime. We go in for drinks. He looked like he was going to shit his pants when I walked in. I kept to myself didn’t interact, but made sure that he was nervous the whole time. Thinking, shit….is she a crazy chick that’s going to blow up my spot or not? This gave me my closure. I left and never went back. Crazy thing too, about a year later I was swiping away on Tinder out of boredom and there was Robert in all his glory! Haha….what a scumbag.

So we add to the interview list…..

Do you have a criminal record? Are you married? Ring or no ring folks, ask the question.

More to come next week!

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