I don’t know about you but I have had many amazing flashback conversations with friends reminiscing on random and crazy dudes I’ve dated, gone on one lonesome date with or even just started communication that led to no in person meeting, and for good reason. Here’s a tribute to them, to the random’s……

I remember that guy that….

Showed up for a date and I didn’t even know who he was when he approached me because he had fake pictures up on Match. I looked at him and said “I’m sorry, do we know each other?”, “Yeah it’s me Scott, we have a date tonight, from Match”.

Danielle: wait…what? Did you put up pictures of someone else? You’re literally a different person.

Scott: Silence….(staring at me)…..silence…..uh, what do you mean? Some of my pictures may be old.

Danielle: Seriously? I mean you have pictures of someone else up on your profile creep. Thanks for wasting my time.

I turned around and walked out.

Remember that guy…..

John that took me out on one date and at the end of the night as I was getting into a cab whispered in my ear that he had a 9” penis.

The next day he sent me a txt message that said Happy Tuesday! With a picture of his penis! OMG!!! Freak!

I remember that guy….

Edward that lived in Weehawken NJ and only wanted to hang out in NJ near his apt. Oh yeah….he liked to send penis pics too. Really?

There’s

Road Rage Rob….that almost got us killed in his fancy Jaguar a ton of times. This one stopped in the middle of the BQE once, got out of his car and started a fight with another driver while I was sitting in the car. He was also running late in picking me up one day by over an hour and when I called him to see what the holdup was he told me that when he’s coming to get me I need to sit in my apt and wait for him, and he gets there when he gets there, and I’m not to ask any questions. I then told him to turn around and never call me again.

Then this guy that….

Took me on a date and in the middle of it mentioned that he was divorced with two teenage kids, with an ex-wife that lived next door to him and….. oh yeah in a kibbutz.

The Brit psychologist/musician that took me on a date to see a live blues band, we ordered a few rounds of drinks and two appetizers that we shared. Everything came to about $60.00 in total. When the bill came he turns to me and says “would you mind splitting this with me? I’m not making very much money right now”. Huh? Again? I just can’t take it! If you can’t afford to take a girl out then don’t ask her out!!! A couple weeks later he sends me a text that says “where’d you disappear to?” I went to the ATM buddy, I’ll be right back.

There’s Liam who took me out a few times. Once for drinks another night for sushi, and another night for a drink. After those dates and trying to see if there was any spark worthwhile there I felt that there really wasn’t. I hadn’t heard from him in about 4 days and I didn’t contact him. That Friday night I get a txt from him that says “is everything ok? Haven’t heard from you”.

Danielle: Well I haven’t heard from you either. Been a busy week.

Liam: Well I miss you and want to see you.

Danielle: Well you should have let me know so we could have made plans.

Liam: Well I always want to see you.

Danielle: I can’t know that if you don’t tell me. (Duh) I’m out with friends and have to get back to the table.

Liam: Ok have fun.

Two days later, haven’t heard from him and then on a Sunday a txt comes through saying.

“I’m not really sure what it is that you’re pulling here but I’ve taken you out multiple times making it rain (yes he said making it rain! Haha) like you were a longtime girlfriend. What’s the problem?” It’s always the ones that you don’t click with that act like that.

This guy Taylor that I had met at one of my go to watering holes through mutual friends. He asks me out, we make a plan. I txt him to confirm the time and he gets back to me almost two hours later which was then past the time that we had agreed on meeting, and says I decided to go to a movie instead. Huh? What is wrong with people?

Then there was this restaurant owner that I went out with a few times, super handsome and nice, bright and had good chemistry. One our 5^th date he mentions that he was involved in a religious group (cult if you ask me) that was very important in his life and he would require that I join it if he was to continue seeing me.

Then we have the tinder randoms that love to chat you up for hours and then poof! They disappear without a trace and no communication to be heard of again. Along with the weirdo’s that start out with normal conversation and then all of a sudden they want you to send them more pictures of yourself. Buddy I have plenty of pictures up on my profile and unlike most people on the app they are actually recent and 100% representative of my physical appearance. Then when you refuse to send the pics and no longer respond hours later you get a message that reads “well fu$k then you flat chested hoe”. Nice, real nice fellas. BLOCK!

Ah so many lovely memories…..like the corners of my mind……

More to come! Follow me for more drama.

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