The straw that broke this camel’s back….

I can’t even count the number of times that I’ve said, that’s it! I’m taking all of the dating apps and site profiles down! That date that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Let’s face it; dating is hard, and dating in nyc? Ridiculously hard. Putting yourself out there isn’t easy. We are human and we all fear rejection. It’s how we choose to deal with it right? Now for me as a woman I started to think about all of the things that I do to keep myself what I would consider well put together and remain a good catch. Gym, hair, makeup, staying abreast of the latest fashion trends. Then when out on dates, smiling, laughing at jokes, even when they aren’t funny (and that happens a lot), trying to appear interested and engaged and not zone out when I’m being bored to death. Now these things are hard enough when you’re on a date with someone that you met out in person. They are 10 times worse when it’s someone from a dating app or website. This is so because they are pretty much blind dates. You may see a picture and read a profile, but most of the time it’s a bunch of lies, and you put yourself out there, doll yourself up and most of the time it’s very disappointing.

So there was this guy that I met on Tinder. Gotta love good old Tinder. He had a very wanna be regal name like Ashton Ascott the third. We match and start to txt on the app. He doesn’t ask me much about me except for where in the city I live and then gets right to lets meet for a drink. We pick a night and the plan is set. Now between our txt conversation and the day that we were supposed to meet I heard nothing from him so I was a little uneasy about it because I would have liked to have chatted more and gotten a little more info about this guy before meeting him. But believe it or not this kind of thing happens quite often with these do di do’s (phrase I picked up from a dear friend) from Tinder. It’s a Friday night. I send him a text on the day that we are supposed to meet a couple of hours before the time we agreed on to see if we were still on. He replies yes see you there. I’m heading uptown to meet him and I hit traffic, pretty bad traffic. For my fellow New Yorkers, we all know that traffic is quite common in the city and especially on a Friday night. I txt him to let him know that I’ve hit some traffic and that I’m running a bit late and apologize for it as well. He replies….

Ashton: you better be sexy… what do you think your eta will be?

Danielle: (what? Did he seriously just say you better be sexy?, I ignore it and don’t comment on that because I’m already on my way unfortunately) “I’m thinking I should be there in another 15 minutes or so”.

Ashton: Well I’m leaving in 5.

Danielle: Seriously? I hit traffic, there’s nothing I can do to get there any faster.

Ashton: Being 15-20 minutes late is straight up rude, get some manners.

Danielle: Wow you’re a dick. I had a feeling this was a waste of time.

Ashton: Good luck to you.

Danielle: Good luck yourself buddy, you’re gonna need it.

Now I think that is a pretty good straw no? So I’m going through with it, everything is coming down. Figure I’m gonna meet someone the old fashioned way…….. Then I think to myself, well I’ve met crazy weirdo’s in person too.

This guy Philippe. I actually met him when getting off of the subway one day. He approached me as I had just gotten out and he came up to me and said that he had seen me on the train and wanted to introduce himself. We spoke for a few minutes and discovered that we both worked in the area that we were. He then asked me if he could take me out for a coffee one day. I gave him my number and we made a plan. We met the next day for coffee and he was very nice, good looking and smart. We had fun and a lot to talk about so made plans for a dinner date. Turns out that he lived in my neighborhood as well so we picked a place there. We had drinks and dinner and had a really nice time. At the end of the night he offered to walk me home and I accepted. When we get to my apt building I say goodnight and we have a very nice kiss. I turn away to walk into my building and he starts to follow me. I look to him and say noooooo, you’re not coming in.

Philippe: But I have to use your bathroom.

Danielle: (Did he just seriously use the can I use your bathroom sh%t?) You can use the bathroom when you get home. (he has now followed me into the vestibule of my building)

Philippe: Please I really have to go. (he was quite intoxicated)

Danielle: I said no, you need to head home (he starts to turn around and I then unlock the door to the building, he then turns back around and starts to come inside. I push him back and say) “what do you think you’re doing? Go home! You’ve officially ruined a nice evening”.

I had to push so hard to make sure that the door closed and locked in front of him. I was actually scared at one point. I get inside of my apt and calm myself down. He then starts to blow up my phone, calling, texting for over an hour. Saying that he was waiting outside because he wanted to apologize. Unreal! Another BLOCK!

Then there was my Jdate reunion experience. Ah Darren from Jdate. We met about 15 years ago on Jdate and were seeing each other for about a month, but I was a child at the time and cut him loose for whatever reason. I do remember having a touch of regret about that a little while after but cest la vie. Fast forward 15 years and we reconnect on POF. He’s legally separated and still cute as ever. Living in NJ still which eh I wasn’t thrilled about but hey you never know. We go on another first date all these years later and it was just great. He looked great and we still had the chemistry and connection that we always did. We start to see quite a bit of each other, even to the point where he managed to get me out to NJ a few times. Then one day I get a phone call from him and he said that we needed to talk. Ok about what? He mentioned that he had just gotten his credit card bill and it made him realize that with his divorce and how much it was costing him that he can’t afford to date someone that lives in nyc because it’s just too expensive for him right now. I respected his honesty and was actually pretty bummed about it. We came to and understanding because we wanted to continue seeing each other. We would do more things at his place or mine like cooking dinner and watching a movie and not always having to be out. I love stuff like that so it wasn’t a big deal to me. Then it was my birthday and he planned a night out and we were having the best time. Gives me a beautiful heartfelt card that says he’s so happy that we came back into each other’s lives and he can’t wait to see where it goes. At one point he asks if he can use my phone because he had left his at my apt to charge. Sure no problem. He logs into a site where he can read his text messages that are coming into his phone. The next day I open safari on my phone and of course the last site that was opened pops up. I have view of all of Darren’s text messages because dummy didn’t log out. I couldn’t help but see a full conversation that took place literally one hour after he left my place to head home to NJ. It was a conversation with Julie POF (programmed in his phone). He is asking her for a date that coming week. I know that we hadn’t had the seeing one another exclusively discussion but I didn’t really think that we had to. And not for nothing he text her within one hour of leaving me! I didn’t need this sh&t. I wait it out for the right time to mention what I had discovered and when it came I explained to him that I had seen the text because he left his account opened on my phone. He went back into his $$ issue and then tied in that he may not even be ready to be dating so soon after splitting with his ex-wife at only a year being past. This is also after I had met his parents that previous weekend as well. Make up your freaking mind dude! Needless to say I ended it. Good riddance.

So, I can take all of the apps down and try it the good old fashioned way but crazy is still always going to be out there. It safe to say that I will always go back to the sites as another outlet to meet someone; and why do I do it? Why do we all do it? Because at the end of the day we all just want to be loved. To be needed. And as crazy as it seems, when that little bell or chime goes off on your phone “you’re a match!”- Your little heart flutters just a touch.

It flutters with hope.

Keep the Hope Alive Through The Drama! More to come!

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